I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
