Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
