She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
