I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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