my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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