There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
