it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
