Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
