We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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