No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
