dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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