He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
