I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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