If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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