Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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