I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
