There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
