as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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