should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
