my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
