a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
