sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Terrible idea I love it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
