i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
