Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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