the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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