Do you still have your period?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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