i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
