I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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