Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
