Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
