My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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