I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
