i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
