if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
