I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
