So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
