I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
