I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
