i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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