Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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