he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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