i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
