she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
