i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
