OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We got so high we made milksteak
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
