oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
