"it" just moved
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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