Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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