so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
