Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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