porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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